Like An Arrow Hits A Donkey Butt When Cupid Misses
by Pleaki
Summary: A story that makes fun of badly written fan fiction, Sonic pairings, and generally everyone. contains wannabe slash. T for mild situations.
1. Day of smiling suns and raisins

Full Title: Like An Arrow Hits A Donkey Butt When Cupid Misses  
Genre: humor/making fun of you/humor  
Rating: T - pie Fanfiction + Feet. You figure out the rest.

I got this funny idea after talking to my friend on IM. 

This story makes fun of badly written fan fiction, Sonic pairings, and everyone in general (including myself). Are I not awesome? Chapter one focused on some creepy Sonadow, Sontails, and hints Shadrouge and Sonknux. Next one will have more hetero couples.  
Flames expected. Enjoy. nn 

(ps: almost every error in here was meant for the purpose of poking fun. Most error is in the dialogue, but some is not. For example, anything that says strike insert word /strike is meant to be there.) 

**Chapter 1- Day of smiling suns and raisins**

Sonic literally jumped out of bed and skipped to the window.  
"What a beautiful day," he said, "I think I'll be gay."  
And with that, Sonic skipped out of his apartment and began to run down the street.

Elsewhere, there was a not-so-happy hedgehog. His name was Shadow.  
"I am so depressed..." He sighed as he causally cut up his left arm with a razor blade.  
"My blood drops to the ground in the name of Maria; someone I barely remember who I love and supposedly made some sort of promise to that I forget every time I become evil..."

"Hey there, Shadow!", came a voice from behind.

Shadow jumped and accidentally cut off his hand with the very sharp razor blade he had.

"Shit, Sonic! Don't startle me! Now look what you did, you faker. I have no hand!!!!!!!!!!111111oneoneelevenbbqkawaiiftw"

"You do so." Sonic said gleefully as he picked up Shadow's hand and waved it in his face.  
"Look, Shadow, you're waving at you!"

Shadow snatched his dislocated part back and threw it onto his bed.

"How did you get into my house?" He demanded.

"Rouge let me in, of course. Isn't that nice?" Sonic replied.

'That little whore...' Shadow thought, 'Well, little hot whore... Who has, like, enormous boobies (heh, I thought boobies.) ... Whore.'  
Shadow completely forgot what was going on because he was thinking about how much in love he was with a very hot bat.

Sonic smacked Shadow across the head to get his attention back.

"Shadow, I came because I decided after all of these years of loving and doing very hot woman who I still own over a thousand times, that I am gay." Sonic stated merely in his über glee.

Shadow raised a brow that he now apparently strike had /strike has.  
"What is your point, unworthy one who dare stand before me?" Shadow spat.

Sonic's grin grew the size of... Very big.  
"I wanted to ask if you want to be my strike first /strike new boyfriend?!one"

Shadow raised another brow. Apparently, no one seems to notice that one of Shadow's hands have been cut off. Or no one really gives a damn because it really has nothing to do with the plot and is just a filler to make up for how incredibly short this story is. Why am I still talking?

"Well?" Sonic asked, acting very impatient and annoying.

"No!" Shadow hissed like some sort of awesome snake man, "I will never love you? Yes, I will NEVER (capslock is fun) love you, Sonic The Hedgehog!"

Sonic uncharacteristically cried a river of tears. "WHY, SHADOU? We could be secret lovers and die in the end!"

Shadow stood up from his bedside he had been sitting on.  
"Because, mortal, I am evil and I hate you like a mother hates her newborn child... Who is ugly. (who's writing this thing?) And it would never work because I don't have AIDS like you do."

Sonic: I don't have AIDS, Shadow. I have ADD... What were we talking about?  
Sonic tries to remember and also wonders why the format of the story had suddenly changed to script out of absolutely nowhere for no reason whatsoever. He also wondered if "SHADOU" was a typo or not. Because if it wasn't, according to the very cheep/free word processor the wannabe eleven year old author was using, there is no such word (in English).

Shadow became impatient. "Get out of my room, Sonic, and leave me to sulk in my pain and agoNY. That's why the fan girls love me, you know."

Sonic burst into syrupy tears once again (ew) as he ran out Shadow's bedroom door.

Shadow, who's hand was somehow now connected to his arm again, waited until Sonic was well out of earshot to do or say anything.

"Oh, Sonic, my beloved. If only you knew. I have emotions for you I have never felt before that is obviously love, but I will pretend I don't know what it is. I yearn to eff you in the arse every night before I sleep and dream about how hot Rouge is and how much of a pedophile I am for feeling for any of you in the first place!" Shadow exclaimed.  
Shadow smashed his head into the wall for no apparent reason.  
"Oh the agony of it all! Why must I suffer? I love you but refuse to tell you or do anything about it. I wisth -- (typo) that I was not so incredibly stupid and could actually think of a reason to hide my feelings for you when you clearly love me with all of you're -- (grammar error) heart and soul... And lust. Don't forget the hot lust."

Shadow slammed his arm on the desk he apparently has.  
"Why must I sulk in all of my pain. I am drowning in my own obnoxious agony as I stand here babbling like a fool."  
With those final words, Shadow passed out for no reason.  
---  
Meanwhile, Sonic was at Tails' workshop, crying his heart out.

"There, there." Tails cooed, (I always wanted to use that word) patting his rejected buddy on the back.  
Tails offered his friend a tissue which Sonic took and blew his nose with.  
"I don't understand, Tails. I thought Shadow loved-ed me."  
Tails rolled his eyes as he wondered where on Earth Sonic could have ever come up with that crazy idea... Oh yeah, Internet.

Tails continued to comfort his friend.

"You know, Sonic, there are other people who love you a lot."  
Sonic looked at his best friend and noticed his expression. Sonic's eyes widened.

"Tails?"

Tails nodded gently and cupped his hand on Sonic's cheek as he-

"Wait, Tails." Sonic interrupted.

Tails gave Sonic a confused look.

"Wouldn't this make me pedo?" He asked.

Tails nodded, "I guess you're right. But if you like, I can transform magically into about twice my age with no logical explaination to make it slightly less creepy."

Sonic nodded in response, "That would be good. I just don't want any angry mothers. How do you do do (lawl, "dodo") that anyway?"

Tails shrugged. "The power of fiction, I suppose."

"Right on." Was Sonic's response as Tails was somehow now a 16 year old pretty boy who was just begging to be raped.

"That's more like it.", Sonic purred.

Meanwhile, just outside Tails' bedroom window, Knuckles was watching the two engage in a hot, gay make-out session.

"That is so hot and gay."

Knuckles drooled.

"But I now hate Sonic and will barge in there any moment to beat the ever loving crap out of him because I lover him more than that fox or black hedeghog. -- (spelling error)"

**End of Chapter one**

A/N I will only make more by popular demand, so beg for the next chapter! (I love to do that.) 


	2. Completely off subject

Title: Like An Arrow Hits A Donkey Butt When Cupid Misses Genre: humor/making fun of you/humor 

A/N: Stephan made me finish typing chapter 2. I blame him for this! xD All errors are there on purpose for the... purpose of what the purpose of this story was... to make fun of badly written sonic fan fiction... Flames expected. Enjoy.

--------

**Chapter 2- Completely Off Subject**

Meanwhile, Vector and Charmy where chillin' at the detective agency. Espio had gone outside to meditate and practice is awesome ninja-man skills.

Charmy lazily grabbed the remote and started flipping through channels. He finally decided to watch SpongeBob SquarePants because it was a cartoon and he loved cartoons. Now that he was ten years younger than he used to be.

No one ever seemed to notice or say anything about Charmy's drastic change in age. But then again, nobody really gave a damn either.Besides, if Shadow and Tails don't grab the little girl's attention then there's always a little baby bee. 'CAUSE THAT LOIK, TEH PNZORZ... Yo... (1)

Anyhow, Vector had been feeling down for a few weeks. This is not only because no money was coming in to pay the rent, but he had also conveniently decided that he was gay. It was a very sad thing for him.

It matter not, however. According to one too many fans, Vector does not have a chance with any hot girl ever and he should probably be killed off because he is not adorable enough to cuddle. Not how Sonic and Shadow are. Even though Sonic is probably very pointy, having quills and all.

Back to the point. Wait, was there a point to begin with? Oh well, not like people are reading my story anyway. And the ones who do are mean people who are going to leave flames... Because they are very mean and don't understand the effort I put into every word of this story. Nobody loves me! I am not going to bless you people with my beautiful fan fiction anymore. I bet you regret those words now. It's not very nice to make fun of an eleven year old...

What?

Vector stood up from the couch and walked out the front door. Of course, he saw Espio sitting on the porch, eyes closed and meditating.

"Hello, Vector," Said Espio, eyes still closed.

"Um, Espio? Can we talk?" Vector asked.

Espio opened his eyes and stood up. He glanced at Vector, giving a very serious look that made Vector want to just forget about it and go back inside to watch SpongeBob with Charmy.

"What is it, Vector?" asked Espio.

Vector rubbed the back of his neck. This was awkward.

This is the part where the author started writing again because her friend told her too. Isn't that amazing? It's a shame that she doesn't remember what Vector was going to say. Well, let's make up something that might make sense!

Espio started to look impatient. What was on Vector's mind, he wondered. He was really hoping it was something kinky. That was exactly what he needed right now.

Espio's tail curled up tightly as he waited for Vector to speak.

"Espio, I have to tell you something important," said Vector.

"Don't, tell me," said Espio is a sexier voice than your mom's, "you have this undying love for someone, correct?"

Vector's heart tightened. How did Espio know? Was he really that (yes, he was that) obvious? Vector felt like he was about to cry. (That is soooooo sexy)

Espio stood up and wrapped his tail around Vector's waist.

"Espio, what are you doing?" Asked Vector, like a uke.

"I'm about to rape the hell out of you," Espio replied in a voice so sexy that you all just lost your virginity. If you already lost your virginity, you just lost it a second time. (2)

"But I don't want to be raped, Espio!" Vector cried.

"That's why it's called rape," said Espio as the reader just had an orgasm from his sexy voice.

"But I don't like you that way," said Vector.

"LIES!"

Espio jumped on Vector and knocked him onto the floor. Charmy walked out the front door and stared at the two reptiles for about 3 hours.

In need of much therapy, he went back inside and searched for Vector's collection of naked Eggman photos. He was going to post them on myspace for all to see.

Knuckles walked into the detective agency where he found Vector on the floor, covered in blood and other body fluids. He decided that it was best not to ask. Instead of seeing if Vector was okay, he grabbed the crocodile's belt and put it on.

"I am now... KNUCKLES MAN!"

Suddenly, chapter two ended.

-------  
(1) I really have no idea what I just said there.  
(2) I was laughing so hard whenI wrote that.

Once again, I will only update if people want me to. I sort of forgot where I was going with this when I wrote this chapter so it's a little wonky and doesn't add up. Um... Chapter 3 comes when I get 3+ good reviews or when I feel like it.


End file.
